Negativity: A Reckoning

In the heart breaking story of Manchester by the Sea, our helpless hero lives as a shell of himself, conscious but not alive. Tragedy has the power to cripple but most of us suffer a far more manageable plight.

I’ve been writing to inspire people to levels of greater engagement for a decade; every post a reminder to myself, every word of advise from the page back to my broken brain.

Every day I awake to battle a mental illness that is not diagnosed, completely inappropriate and most-certainly controllable.

… But there are days that I feel I cannot beat it …

It’s called negativity and it creeps into the lives of the less-than-confident, the under-prepared, the frustrated, the miscast and those who continue to ignore their potential.

Good times will come and go. Things beyond your control will surface and fade. People who do not deserve things will be rewarded. Those who have earned rewards will be denied them.

You will clinch your fist, insult strangers and displease the innocent simply because they are around when the negativity sets in.

Would it take a tragedy for you to understand your fortune?

OR

Will you decide that in the time you spent feeling sorry for yourself, you could have built a kingdom.

You can build a kingdom. But every brick laid will be handed to you by another…. to be successful, you’ll have to learn to deal with other people and to navigate the frustration that such an act will invite.

Unlike other Self-Help authors, I am not going to avoid the certain truth that in order to create a positive existence you must first deconstruct the negativity in your life. This is an ongoing process and the negativity will never completely be beaten. It will come back again and again. You will be called upon to face it and destroy it every time you are bold enough to discover happiness.

… REWIND …

The one safe haven that has always existed for me is music. My first memories in life are of me in front of a record player. For every day of my life, I have gone to sleep listening to music. As such, there is a song for every saga in my perfect life that has kept me retreating into the field.

Just yesterday, a tear came to my eye listening to Frank Turners reflection of the current political. My cheek was not dry when Frank paid omaje to an old friend.

I remember where I was the first time I heard the music of For Stars.

… I also recall the profound effect the song Empty Cans by the Streets had on my life:

It was one of my 20 something hours of confusion… obsessing over an intricate detail that ignited one of my seemingly involuntary temper tantrums. My life’s obstacles did not involve anything broken or anything that could not be repaired by simple application of a band aid.

Empty Cans is the culmination of the great concept album ever written and the ultimate example of life’s singular truth:

Your Perception & Your Attitude Control Your Destiny!

The story tells two sides of a story from the lens of a central narrator recognizing the pessimist and the optimist that live within him.

“I was thinking about how everyone was dying, and maybe it’s time to live” — Mark Oliver Everett

… and then you move beyond the boulders that preclude your view to discover the beach.

… and then you stop feeling sorry for yourself.

… and then you realize that every moment you corrupt those around you through exposure to your anger volunteers your personal liability to making the world worse. There is a soup line around the corner filled with such helpless purveyors of destruction… armed only with a self-imposed hatred that has been thrown into the world with more force than it would take to save the planet.

Why Not Save The Planet?

The Formula for Doing So is Simple:

1. Reflect on What You Have Done Well
2. Question The Current System of Order
3. Find Your Place within the System while Living by Your Own Terms
4. Practice Empathy
5. Reinvent Yourself…. Every Day!

In those moments when the frustration overtakes me like a wave off the coast of Half Moon Bay, I forget:

I forget that I have the best parents in the world.

I forget that I have the best wife in the world.

I forget that I have two wonderful, healthy children.

The accolades of my youth exist in trophies (before all who participated got one). But, I forget my fortune because the mundane challenge of the moment pissed me off.

People are not stupid, they are trying their best… remember your first day on the job?

While I was hanging my head in the frustration with the status quo … I forgot that I control everything that happens to me.

Be Assured… THEY will challenge you, they will minimize your effort to control the result and they will hold you accountable for THEIR lack of ingenuity.

So, you can play by their rules….

or make your own!

You don’t have destroy the world to put a dent in the universe…. all you need to do is understand the difference between complaints and constructive disruption.

You don’t need to quit your job to work on a fishing boat in Alaska. You might be surprised how much you despise the smell of fish.

You can live a life of fortune within your own motivation without forfeiting your soul!

So, we know that people will be our greatest challenge every day. We also know that they are not going to go away.

NOW WHAT?

You are going to have to face humanity. Every time a person is unprepared with their order in-line…. Every time someone talks on their cell phone in public… every time someone talks to you who you would rather disregard…. every time someone parks funny or talks without sensitivity or speaks in an elevated tone… or (within the context of their busy day) ask for YOUR help.

You have to be willing to forgive them.

… and to help!

Every single day!

Habits can create comfort that might diminish skills to the point of stagnation. Right when you think all is coming up roses an airplane crashes into your garden.

As we speak, there are a generation of highly gifted leaders who are no longer employable… because they got too comfortable and failed to re-invent themselves.

I’d prefer not to get to a point that my life’s work be deemed situationally ineffective.

Some times your luck runs out or you catch a tough break. Some times circumstances beyond your control put you in unfair positions. These things will upset you and challenge your faith in humanity but they are far easier to digest when you have a back up plan.

Try something new every day.

Open your network to anyone willing to listen to you.

Show off your skill.

The Final Act

Don’t wait for tragedy to change your mind about how you live. Recognize your good fortune and live every day with an intent to learn something new.

Call an old friend!

Tell your Mom you love her!

Tell a young person that anything is possible.

Start every day with a positive thought.

Human beings will make your life messy, be willing to get your hands dirty.

Put down your phone….

Read a book!

Ask the girl in accounting if she’d like to join you for Happy Hour.

When frustration slaps you in the face, engage it in battle and jab until you are in a position to throw a right hook.

… and then …. plant your problems on the canvas!

Be Happy!

Thank You for Reading,

Dave